Friday, 28 February 2014


Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant

The good news is that we can look at this as a gift.  It’s the gift of a clear message that things aren’t quite right.  It’s like getting sick – when our bodies are telling us that something’s wrong; we’re working too much, we’re too stressed, or maybe we’re not eating well.  And we can then take steps to correct the imbalance.  The message here is similar – you’re both on different pages, and there’s an imbalance that needs to be corrected.  And whether we like it or not, what we’re seeing is who he is and where he’s at right now.  And that’s the point.  The present.   Right now.  That ideal we have in our mind, those dreams we’ve got – they’re all ours, not his.  And whether he’d be the perfect guy for us if he’d just be more attentive isn’t the point.  He’s showing us what he’s capable of right now. And that is the point.
So what do we do in this situation?  Well, there are basically three avenues we can take.

Be direct and ask him.

If you’re feeling like he’s distancing himself and the two of you are losing the connection you once had, well, you’re most likely right.  Our instincts are usually spot-on in this regard.  So we know he’s not where we are, not on that same page as us right now, and he’s not quite sure how to let us know except by putting some distance between us.  The reason for this is because he’s insecure too!  He afraid to tell us how he’s feeling directly; he’s not a guy who’s in touch with his feelings and can say what’s going on.  So go ahead and tell him how you’re feeling, and ask him why things have changed.  If you take this route, be prepared and open to hear the truth.  He may say that he’s having second thoughts about the relationship.  He may be feeling like the relationship is moving too quickly, and he wants to slow things down a little.  He may be afraid he’s losing his freedom.  Maybe an ex has re-entered the picture.  If the answer is any of these, just know that knowing the truth earlier is always better, and it will save you a lot of anxiety and even more heartbreak down the road.
He may also say that he feels that nothing has changed.  This may be because he’s not in touch with his feelings or aware of his own changes in behavior, or it may be that he’s now being his true self and he’s just not capable of giving you more than you’re getting from him right now.  If this is the case, this gives you a chance to re-evaluate the relationship while it’s still early and recognize that you may be looking for something from him that he just won’t be able to give you.  It may also be that he’s not comfortable with this type of direct communication.  If you’re the type of person that wants to be able to communicate freely and openly, then this is a sure sign that the relationship will be on a rocky road.
On the other hand, you may find out that the answer’s more benign, and you were worried for nothing.  Maybe he’s had some stressful situations at work that have had him preoccupied.  Or maybe he’s had some personal or family health issues that he hasn’t felt comfortable discussing yet.  Finding out now will help to relieve your anxiety and may even wind up bringing the two of you closer than ever.  Again, knowing the truth is always better than second guessing or attempting mind-reading, which we all know never works!
If you’re not ready to tackle things head-on just yet, there’s another good option.

Focus on yourself.

The second choice is to let it ride while making up the difference with your own life.  Enjoy yourself, pursue your own interests, follow your own passions, expand your world.  Take a break from thinking about the relationship and go to that art gallery you’ve been wanting to check out or take that dance class you’ve been thinking about.  In this way you’ll be discovering your true self while at the same time giving him the space he seems to be asking for.  And then take some time to reassess what you’re really getting out of this relationship.  After getting a little space and distance from the relationship yourself, you may find that you’ve gained more clarity and realize that it’s not all that after all.
On the other hand, you may find that this bit of distance between you actually brings you closer together when the two of you are together.  One thing that men love is a woman who has her own life.  And having your own life will make you more confident about who you are and what you want out of life, which men also find very attractive.
And if all else fails, there is a third thing you can do.

Let it go.

If he’s gotten so distant that the writing’s clearly on the wall, just let him go.  Even if he shows so much potential.  And do it without hard feelings, since it truly is a gift.  Because as hard as it is to admit it to ourselves sometimes, some relationships are just not meant to be.  As hard as it can be to give up the dream of what the relationship could have been, at least in our minds, sometimes we find ourselves falling for guys that are just not the ones for us.  And you deserve better than that.  Better than settling for something that’s less than the real thing. Better than settling for someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.  Because there really is someone out there who will treat you better than that.  Someone who’s waiting for you to come along as much as you’re waiting for him.

Thursday, 27 February 2014

It's now out in the open

So the other day at work it all came out.
The issue at work that I’ve mentioned on here came to boiling point and I broke down completely and utterly. In total I had four major cry episodes throughout the day. I haven’t cried that much in years. Safe to say, Tuesday wasn’t fun at all.
Good things that came from it:
-          Manager is now aware of how I feel
-          Others in the office backed me up
-          I’m not bottling it all up anymore
Bad things that came from it:
-          Person in question wasn’t sympathetic at all, didn’t seem to think anything was wrong
-          Lots of people saw me cry
So it remains to be seen whether anything changes or not.
Ugh. Life.

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Two of my favourite things: Food and lists = a food list!!

Food items I couldn't live without:

Peanut Butter

Food items I could easily live without:

Ice Cream
Red Meat

...sounds like I'm a health nut. Definitely not the case.
What foods can't/can you live without?


Wednesday, 5 February 2014


Okay okay sorry for not blogging in quite some time. I definitely want to keep the habit up, and will endeavour to do so, but I have just been lacking in motivation a bit. So I shall make this post a round-up of what’s been going on in my life since the last post!
Work – Post-trip depression has died down somewhat and work has been going fairly well. However, we had a meeting with the editor of our sister newspaper a couple of weeks back in which I felt extremely targeted and got quite upset (fighting back the tears). Since then, I’ve tried to make more effort, and haven’t had any complaints so hopefully things are going better. However, when talking with one of the other girls in the office about my issues, she said she also notices the mean way the editor talks to me and constantly criticizes me. So it’s not just in my head. Unfortunately, the editor is the managers’ darling so I don’t feel as though I can talk to her about it.
Gym – I have been really good since I’ve been back, going 5-6 times a week. It’s such a great release for me (especially when issues like the aforementioned are occurring).
Friends –Haven’t seen my Hastings besties for ageeeeeees which has been lame. Spending time with my friends here is always great. It’s good for the soul.
Music – For some reason lately I can’t get enough of Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa. It’s not a new tune but it’s just so good and it makes me dance. I also love everything by Miguel at the moment.
Movies – Recently I’ve watched Don Jon, The Wolf of Wall Street, and V for Vendetta. Would recommend the latter two. The first one is, well, interesting. I’ll leave it at that.
TV shows – Almost up to date with White Collar and have one more episode of Sherlock to go. Both are just so great. Suits and Game of Thrones are starting up again in not too long – YUSS. Also, I watched an episode of KUWTK a couple of days ago and was LOLing so much that I’ve now completed series one and two. Guilty pleasure.
Books – Finished Catch 22 finally! It only took me about 2 months haha. Actually thought it was a pretty good read once I was done with it. For the latter half of the book I was appreciating how funny and well written it was. Then read Animal Farm – so fantastic! Am now reading The Book Thief which is Ah-mazing so far. In the interim, I also spent the paperplus voucher I was given at Christmas and bought Gone Girl (soon to be a movie and I’d heard the book is great) and I Quit Sugar by Sarah Wilson which I finished the day I got it. Cutting out sugar is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and having now read two books about sugar, it’s a main goal of mine.
Car – Argh. Discovered my car had a big oil leak which is going to cost far too much to get fixed. Going to take it for a second quote to see if it’s worth fixing. If not, new car time! Sad though, I liked this one L
Family – Haven’t seen them in quite some time and miss them all the time. Seeing my Dad and sister soon though as sister is moving to Palmy in two weekends! That will be cool. I was tasked with finding her a flat, which I did. I hope she likes it! (though I’m sure she will – it’s awesome). Can’t wait to see Dad as well. I’m taking the two of them out to my favourite Japanese restaurant when they’re down. Eeeeep!!
Garcon – Has been far too long since I’ve seen him. Texting has been good though, for the most part. Can’t wait to see him next. We have some stuff to figure out.
Time for a selfie? I think so...
Heh so attractive.

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